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Danie Rossouw's World Cup Diary - September 1st 2011

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Disclaimer - This comes from a friend, so not my writing, but too good not to pass on.

1 September 2011:

To help me remember all my memories, my captain and our water carrier, John Smit, did suggested that I wrote a diary of all my activities during the World Cup. He also tolded me that I should write in English, because it would help me, because he says I sometimes come across as a bit fick and English would make me look klever. Kak!

Anyways, today are the big day. We are leafing South Africa and on our ways to the Wold Cup. John says it's in New Zealand this year, which is where I toured earlier in the Drie Nations while many of our best players were in hospital at the beaches.

This is my furd world cup which means I am respected the mostest by so many off the younger laaitjies. They is so intimidated by me, that they don't evens want to sit next to me on the plane, which is a pity, cos I can teach them how to keep their brains occupied during long flights. I like to punch the player next to me. Juslike! It's so funny. I hope Bakkies doesn't sit next to me again, because he doesn't seem to understand the rules properly.

I had a one-on-one session wiff the coach yesterday. Well it was supposed to be one-on-one, but Victor came wiff us to translate what that funny little guy kept saying. I don't know what he says, but it's so funny when he talks. I can't stop laughing. Anyway, Victor says that I need to work on my handling skills, which is stupid because I has two hands, just like everybody else. I showed him by lifting them in the air, but they knocked the fan on the ceiling off it's bracket and was about to fall on the coach, but I finked quickly and tried to catch it before it hit him in the face. The coach looks very angry now wiff the eight stitches in his head and he has a broken toe where I did standed on him, before I tripped and headbutted Victor by mistake. Bakkies heard the noise and came in and unleashed some of "God's fury" as he calls it. Victor had to hold Bakkies back and stroke his head softly until Bakkies had his shot.

Pierre, is very excited about going to the world cup because he could not go last time because apparently there was a mistake at the piss testing place last time. He said they gaved him a really cheap glass to piss in and it melted before he could hand it to the doctors. To stop the glass from melting, Pierre now has to go to the toilets wiff the nice physio lady. More good news for Pierre. The doctor says he are pregnant.

Bryan is also in a happy mood, because he says he only really plays his bestest rugby during world cups. He says after the last world cup he tried out some new tactics by pretending to run slower and not being able to do much on the rugby field. He said he did looked to me for that inspiration. It's nice that I can be the guy's hero.

I don't know where the coach will be playing in me in this world cup, because I can play anywhere in the backrow. I overheard him saying to John that I would be lucky to be on the bench. So looks like I'm starting.

Morne tolded me that of all the fings I need to catch, I must make sure that I catch the plane to New Zealand. He's so funny, the plane only leaves... OH KAK!