Who should have the overriding call ?

[crossref]

Funnily enough (as Crossref suggests) I get the impression this is more about what the parents want than what the kid wants. .

IME - in these sorts of situations that is very often the case.

often at the heart of it is a boy who doesn't really want to play rugby anymore, but can see how desparately important it is to his parents so is solidiering on.

very often when a boy has a rugby problem, mostly the club can sort it for him.
when the parents have a problem is where we get these stand offs..

[Simon Thomas]

what a very sad story and it seems neither the parents or coach have the lad's best interests at heart.

Youth Chairman and CWO need to sit them down and talk it through - going to official channels, CB, putitng thingsa in wriitng has escalated it all to entrenched positions.

An example of why I never get involved in Youth Rugby anymore.

[Andy P]

The coaches are in a position to allow the player into his age group on the understanding that they won't play him in matches until they are comfortable that he is physically well developed to hold his own during a game and able to tackle safely. Some of the best tacklers I have coached have been the smallest on the pitch but then they were strong enough to handle the whole game. If he can't compete and can't make tackles, socially he will be on the wrong side of his team mates as they will quickly dislike him being on the pitch. I suspect the parent hasn't considered that.

As for talking to the player, you may well find that they are happy to train with their peer group and not play and just belong to a group of sociable and popular players. I had two players from U13s to U15s that were happy with that. The parents had wanted them to play for social reasons - poor social interaction and rugby was seen as the ultimate social sport.

[Taff]

Just a thought, but has anyone suggested that the lad may make a good referee?

[Browner]

what a very sad story and it seems neither the parents or coach have the lad's best interests at heart.

Youth Chairman and CWO need to sit them down and talk it through - going to official channels, CB, putitng thingsa in wriitng has escalated it all to entrenched positions.

An example of why I never get involved in Youth Rugby anymore.

The coach maintains that the lad that cowers, closes his eyes, & turns his back away from tackling, and will now do anything to avoid being tackled, he's about the size of a 10yr old ! The CB were only involved because THEY insist on Regulation 15 documentation to support the Coaches safety assessment to be moved down AG -1, otherwise the lad couldn't participate in AG -1 either.

The coaches entrenched position is.... player safety overrides all other considerations.
The opportunity to take part in training exists for all, but that does not mean rugby suits all.

He's a 10 yrs experienced Kids Coach, yet still a Volunteer. He doesn't want kids crying / hurt either. The pressure his Club put him under took him to the brink of quitting . . . & what benefit would that bring to the other kids he's coached/gonna coach !

A nearby 'RFU coach' said the best part of his role was - "no parents to listen to "

The real sadness from my distant vantage point, is the lack of backbone of the Clubs 57 OF's , failing to support the coach when faced with a 'blurred' parent.

My involvement was merely to dissuade quitting.

[Browner]

Just a thought, but has anyone suggested that the lad may make a good referee?

If we thought the parents would be receptive, i'd suggest it.

[crossref]

The coach maintains that the lad that cowers, closes his eyes, & turns his back away from tackling, and will now do anything to avoid being tackled, he's about the size of a 10yr old ! .

yes, I strongly suspect that if someone could sit down with the child and say
- forget your parents for a moment
- forget your coaches for a moment
in an ideal world what would you want

I have a strong suspicion that the club would be able to accomodate his answer.
Because I suspect that the childs answer would be either
- I don't really want to play rugby! or
- I'd like to train with my mates, so please can I be in the U14s, it's humiliating to be a year down, and if you can arrange development games that are friendlies, against weaker clubs, then I would to play in games like that, but to be honest I don't want to be in the games that really matter becasue I am too small and let my mates down

and the club would be able to say: yes we can offer you that.

[Andy P]

The player is the key. If the coaches quit over this, everyone has lost. Club is minus the coaches ( obviously care about their players), the rest of the squad lose stability etc and the parent of the player will most likely be disliked by the other parents that doesn't help socialising.

[Dixie]

As the player is not good enough (for whatever reason) he does not get picked by the coaches until he shows, in training, that he is safe and worth a place, according to the clubs selection policy.

The coach maintains that the lad that cowers, closes his eyes, & turns his back away from tackling, and will now do anything to avoid being tackled, he's about the size of a 10yr old !

And yet, before the lad's dad got his way, he was assessed as mid ability for the correct age group. That would ahve made him pretty darned good at the lower age group. Has he really become a cowering wimp during his stay in the U.12's (where he'd flourished the year earlier)? Or are people justifying their prejuduces?

[didds]

what a very sad story and it seems neither the parents or coach have the lad's best interests at heart. .

I'm not sure why you think the coaches actions are incorrect Simon? Seems to me that they are trying to stop the lad from playing in a physciality they do not think him safe in? No coach in the OP seems to be stopping him from playing full stop? I may be missing a nuance here :-)



didds